Monday, June 27, 2016

Exclusive Footage from the Red Sox Team Meeting

       Because laughter is the best medicine for abject frustration and despair on the subject of the free falling Red Sox, here's a peek at what happened behind closed doors:  (Warning: some NSFW language)

          VISITORS' CLUBHOUSE, TROPICANA FIELD, JUNE 27, 2016

        DOMBROWSKI:  You're killin' me, guys!   KILLIN' ME!   The goddamn Tampa Bay Rays have lost ELEVEN STRAIGHT and were making us look like the freakin' Chicago Cubs in comparison and what do we do?   We give up NINE MOTHERFUCKIN' RUNS in the first three innings!  To the juggernaut offense that is the TAMPA BAY FUCKIN' RAYS!
    
       HANLEY:  I thought they were the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. 
    
       PEDEY:  Hello?   What rock have you been sleeping under for the last 8 years, dude?   Last time they were the Devil Rays, Julio Strangeglove Lugo was my double play partner.

      DOMBROWSKI:  Speaking of double plays, who leads THE MAJORS in grounding into them?  YOU, Dustin Luis Pedroia!   YOU!    Ever thought of putting the ball in the air with the bases loaded and less than two out?   Allow me to introduce you to the concept of a sacrifice fly.

      EDUARDO RODRIGUEZ:  Yeah, PEDEY!   How does it feel to get eaten out by the boss man?

      DOMBROWSKI:  Have you been hanging out with Remy?  I was CHEWING OUT Pedey.   Speaking of chewing, when you gonna throw something that's not a meatball RIGHT SMACK DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE PLATE???

     EDUARDO:  But my amigo Clay said...
  
     DOMBROWSKI:  When did I hire CLAY "BATTING PRACTICE" BUCHHOLZ to be the pitching coach?   Speaking of the pitching coach, WHATCHA TALKIN' 'BOUT, WILLIS?   The entire pitching staff, save for maybe one certain knuckleballer...

     WRIGHT:  I'm never pitching in a sauna AGAIN, you hear me?
  
     PRICE:  I hear ya, bro!   Texas can kiss my ASTRO!
  
     ASTRO:  Woof Woof!

     DOMBROWSKI:  Very apt description of this team's pitching, Astro.   Unfortunately, the pickins are slim out on the trade market and Sox Nation will have a stroke if I send Mookie, Xander, Moncada, and Benny to Atlanta for a guy whose last name sounds like the capital of Iran.   Hey, is Farrell still breathing over there?  I haven't heard a peep outta him about how he's lost control of the clubhouse and how he won't give his best hitter some time to rest his weary limbs.

    XANDER:  I'm knackered, boss!   So completely knackered I don't know where my arms and legs are half the time.   The errors, they keep coming because I need a NAP!   (Yawns)

   MOOKIE:  How am I supposed to hit clutch 15-run home runs every time I come to the plate, man?   The struggle is real, boss, it's REAL!

   FARRELL:  Don't mind me.  I'm planning my FEXIT.   I've brought some candidates to replace me.

   WILL FERRELL:  Baseball's pretty fun, guys. Remember when I played for a bunch of different teams last year during Spring Training?

   PHARRELL:  Because I'm HAPPY!   Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof.  Because I'm HAPPY!   Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth.   Hire me, Boss, because a HAPPY team is a WINNING team.

   TOREY LOVULLO:  What am I?   Chopped liver?  

    DOMBROWSKI:  Where's Buck Showalter when we need him?

    PAPI:  He in the O's dugout while they start runnin' away with da division!   Me, I'm hella glad this season's my last.   My feet, they be KILLIN' me, man!

    JBJ:  I sure miss my hitting streak.  Those were good times, right X-man?
 
   MOOKIE:  Shhhhhhh!   X is sleeeeeeeeeeeeping because the skip made his tired ass play and risk injuring the limbs he sometimes forgets he has.

   PORCELLO:  On the bright side, I pitch tomorrow.   Cookies anyone?   I made them myself and if I do say so, they're delicious.

   DOMBROWSKI:  I'm sure the Rays will enjoy them tomorrow.   Logan Forsythe is fond of chocolate chip, but Evan Longoria prefers peanut butter and Desmond Jennings gobbles up oatmeal raisin.

  WRIGHT:  Why can't I PITCH in this dome?   Knuckleballs LOVE domes.   They're nice and climate-controlled.  Just ask Wake.

  BUCHHOLZ:  Whatever.  As long as I get to make my next start.  I'm going for the record for runs given up in the first inning.  How about 7?  Over/Under?

  PEDEY:  Suck it, CLAY!  Want me to rip YOU a new one too, because I will.   I made Eddie cry.

  EDUARDO:  I got some rosin in my eye, give me a break!

  HANLEY:  Remember how I hit a couple of home runs last week?   I'm da MAN!

  DOMBROWSKI:  Then WHY DO YOU INSIST ON LOOKING AT STRIKE THREE WITH THE BASES LOADED???    Can ANYBODY lead this GODDAMN team?   

  DONALD TRUMP:  On the minuscule chance that my campaign funds run dry, I can MAKE THE RED SOX GREAT AGAIN.

  DOMBROWSKI:  Thanks, but no thanks.   NEXT!

  BOBBY VALENTINE:  Honey, I'm still free!  Take a chance on me!
 
  DOMBROWSKI:  Um...NO!   NEXT!

  PEDEY:  You could bring that Moncada kid up to play my position and I'll do it.   You've SEEN how good I am at lighting a fire under their asses.

  DOMBROWSKI:  Tempting as it is to cut back on the double plays this team grounds into, you yelled at Eddie and the team still lost.   NEXT!

  TEK:  I hear former catchers make fine managers and nobody can forget how I made A-Rod eat leather back in '04

  PEDRO:  I can be da pitching coach.  I can teach them all to pitch like it's me in 1999.

 DOMBROWSKI:  Intriguing...


 I'm not necessarily advocating that Tek and Pedro, neither of whom have coaching experience, jumping in as manager and pitching coach.   However, can the pitching get any worse than it is right now?  

  
   
  

Thursday, July 9, 2015

On The Edge

     The Red Sox have quietly started digging themselves out of the hole they dug in May and early June as their bats have come alive, led by Xander Bogaerts, Brock Holt, Mookie Betts, and Alejandro De Aza, with some key contributions at the plate by Hanley Ramirez and David Ortiz.  Clay Buchholz has put together a string of dominant starts that we hope continues tomorrow night and though the second half.  Eduardo Rodriguez has taken a few lumps (and tipped a few pitches) but he looks very promising.  Wade Miley has had more good starts than bad ones.  Rick Porcello has scuffled big-time, but having Ryan Hanigan back behind the plate helped guide him through a quality start last night in which he earned the W. 

       Some rather large issues remain, even as their record and outlook on the season has improved.  The biggest issue is a bullpen with so few trustworthy options and too many relievers that bring anything but relief (unless you happen to be batting for the opposing team).   Outside of Koji Uehara, Junichi Tazawa (against anyone but the Toronto Blue Jays), and most of the time, Alexi Ogando.  Tommy Layne is a serviceable LOOGY, but you don't want him facing many righties.  Craig Breslow hasn't been reliable since the 2013 ALCS.  Robbie Ross, Jr. is not the guy you want on the mound in a late and close game either.  Matt Barnes is getting taken yard just about every time he enters the game.  If the Red Sox are going to keep inching toward .500 and climbing the standings, they need to shore up that bullpen.  
  
        Would it be worth converting Joe Kelly to a reliever?  The Red Sox have done this before with struggling starters such as Andrew Miller and Junichi Tazawa with excellent results.  Wade Davis of the Kansas City Royals was also converted from mediocre starter to lights-out reliever.  Kelly has the velocity to be a flamethrowing reliever.  The command might be a problem, however.  If he can tighten his command and control, it's conceivable that he could be the kind of bullpen arm the Red Sox need and he would not come with the prospect cost of relievers outside the organization.  

       Other than Kelly, the Red Sox could look into Henry Owens as a reliever, at least for the rest of this year.   It doesn't mean he won't ever start games again, but if they can solve their bullpen problem without having to make a trade, Owens in the 'pen shouldn't be ruled out.  The same could be said for Brian Johnson, although he may be more needed as a starter with Masterson looking more and more like his days of being an effective major league pitcher are behind him.  

         The next issue would be the first base problem, namely what to do about Mike Napoli.  Napoli raked in Spring Training and it looked like his offseason sleep apnea surgery had rejuvenated him.  Once the season started, however, he has looked woefully overmatched at the plate, struggling to adjust to what he and the Red Sox perceive as an expanded strike zone.   He's only 33, but wasn't Kevin Youkilis around that same age when he seemingly lost his ability to hit a baseball?   Being a catcher earlier in his career meant more wear and tear on his body over the years.  

          Within the organization, they have Brock Holt, Travis Shaw, Allen Craig, and Daniel Nava.  Holt has the most ability with the lumber, but he is not built like a first baseman and doesn't hit for enough power.  Also, he is too valuable as a super utility player, filling in wherever he is needed.  His versatility and his batting average have earned him his first All Star berth.   Shaw is a 25-year-old who had mediocre numbers in AAA, which doesn't portend sustained success at the major league level.  Allen Craig is also underwhelming in Pawtucket and it doesn't appear that Nava is making a case for himself either.  

           First base is where the Red Sox may have to bite the bullet and trade for someone if they are still playing good baseball at the deadline.   They may have to do so with the bullpen and/or starting rotation as well, but there are more internal options on the pitching side with a chance of working out than there are with first base.   If they go on a major tear and feel like a playoff push is realistic (they're not quite there yet), a top of the rotation starter would be in play if only as insurance against Buchholz's health and Rodriguez's being a rookie who may have innings limits.  

           In stark contrast to the dark days of May and early June (and April, where the starting pitching is concerned), the Red Sox are a fun team to watch.  The young core, led by a trio of 22-year-olds in Rodriguez, Bogaerts and Betts, are among the biggest contributors to the team's resurgence.  Big Papi may not scare as many pitchers as he used to, but his power hasn't left him.   Hanley's glove is best utilized at DH, but it's unrealistic to expect Papi to play first base more than once or twice in a blue moon.   His bat, however, is looking more like it did in April, before he crashed into an outfield wall and saw his power and average plummet in May.   They appear to be having more fun and playing more cohesively.  Who knows how long this will continue?   Might as well enjoy it while it lasts. 

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

A Brief Ray of Sunlight

     This Red Sox season has been horrible in every sense of the word.   The list of what has gone wrong for the team is getting longer every day.  However, even in the worst of seasons, there are bright, shining moments and Brock Holt provided such today by being the first Red Sox player in nearly two decades to hit for the cycle in a 9-4 victory over the Atlanta Braves.   He started his 4-hit game with a double off the Monster in the first inning.   In the fifth, he singled to right.   In the seventh, he extended the Red Sox lead with an opposite-field dinger.   Finally, in the eighth, he hit a triple to the deepest part of the ballpark to complete the cycle.  You can see all of those hits here.   

      Brock Holt has been on the short list of things that have gone right for the Red Sox this year.   That list includes Dustin Pedroia and Xander Bogaerts.   Straddling the "good" list and the "bad" list have been Mookie Betts and Eduardo Rodriguez, who was clearly on the "good" list before getting lit up like a Christmas tree by the Blue Jays on Sunday.  He can make it back on the good side by bouncing back with a strong outing on Friday against the Royals.  Mookie has shown flashes of the dynamic player we saw last year, but he still has some adjustments to make.   Holt is a super utility player whose bat forces its way into the lineup more often than not.   He's hitting over .300 for the year and he can play any position but pitcher and catcher.   Lots of dead weight needs to be removed from this roster, but Brock Holt is a keeper.  

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Hope? Nope.

      Like the fabulous Opening Day win in Philly, the weekend's three-game sweep of the A's and the 7-run eighth inning on Sunday was a mirage in the hot, dry desert that is the Red Sox 2015 season.   After Monday's off-day, the horribly inconsistent offense ruined another great outing by Eduardo Rodriguez.   Tonight, Sandoval and Porcello showed off their epic bust potential, the former by getting stupid on the basepaths trying to stretch a single into a double (after Xander was out for doing the very same thing) and the latter by giving up 5 runs.   Heaven forbid they actually carry forth some momentum after pulling off their first series sweep of the season.  
   
       Of course, the team they swept, the Oakland A's, have an even worse record than the Red Sox, so it's not as if they swept a contending team like Twins, Astros, or (shudder) Yankees.   The Red Sox are, even if their record doesn't show it yet, by far the worst team in the division.  Most of the time, they play as if they would rather not win.   There are bright spots on this team (Pedey, Xander, Holt, EdRod, and, for the most part, Buchholz) but the guys who were supposed to carry the offense and hit for power (Hanley, Ortiz Sandoval, Napoli) have an all-or-nothing approach at the plate and have failed miserably, except for Hanley in April.   Ortiz, sad to say, looks washed up, as does Napoli.  Sandoval (He's not Panda to me until he plays better) looks like something out of the Carl Crawford/Edgar Renteria book.  Joe Kelly, Wade Miley, and Clay Buchholz have been more consistent than Rick Porcello (is he the pitching version of Crawford?).   Mookie is suffering from Sophomore Slump.   Rusney is raw at the plate and in the field.  

       Most of the disinterested and unfocused play falls on the players themselves, but poor leadership from the field coaches as well as the front office and ownership should be held accountable too.   Fundamentals are lacking across the board and they are heading for their third losing, last-place finish in four years.  This ownership team did a great job of bringing the Red Sox three world series championships in 10 years and they had the Red Sox competing for the better half of the 2000s, but the 2010s, with the exception of 2013, have been a different story and it's fair to wonder whether the days of the Red Sox being a consistent contender are behind them as long as Fenway Sports Group is at the helm.  

Monday, June 8, 2015

Dare We Hope?

    After two 4-2 wins over the Oakland A's, the Red Sox looked to be facing the inevitable 4-0 loss with the "My Kingdom For Some Run Support" Buccholz on the mound.   Buchholz was far from his best and lasted less than 5 innings, but, from what his teammates had shown him, he would need to have shut out the A's to have a chance of getting the W.   The Sox were down 4-0 going in the 8th inning and they were 1-26 when trailing after the 7th, as clear an indictment as there will ever be of the lack of resilience of the 2015 squad.  
  
     But something happened in the 8th that seemed unthinkable given the way the Red Sox have played this season:  They came from behind late in the game and put up a 7-run inning!   It all started with Rusney Castillo's first home run of the season.   The Red Sox saw 11 batters step up the plate in the 8th, with the biggest hit coming off the bat of Xander Bogaerts, who took his team from trailing by one run to leading by one run with a 2-run double off the Monster.   Alexandro De Aza and Rusney added some insurance to make it 7-4 and unlikely closer Tommy Layne set the A's down in order in the 9th to nail down the win.  
   
     Games like this can get a team who has been stuck in quicksand all season headed in the right direction.  Or they can be anomalies--bright spots in an otherwise miserable season.  I would like to think the June 7 game against the A's was the former, but this season has given me little reason for such optimism.   They were facing the team with the worst record in the American League, although they just came off of a sweep of the Tigers and they had given the Yankees fits a few weeks back. 

      Amid all the depressing statistics this team has amassed, none more damning than the -42 run differential for the month of May, there have been some bright spots on this team.  The pitching has been solid more often than not after a horrid April.  Eduardo Rodriguez has looked like a beacon of hope in his first two starts.   Xander Bogaerts has been another bright spot, improving both his offense and defense after an underwhelming rookie year laboring under Mike Trout-esque expectations.   Two 22-year-olds cannot be expected to carry the team, however.  That's just not fair.   However, if there is a time for the Red Sox to show they are capable of going on a winning streak, it's now.   Momentum is on their side and they have the chance to do some damage in the AL East.   Whether they will do so, however, remains to be seen.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Red Sox Front Office Has To Learn A Hard Lesson

    The Red Sox organization is going to have to learn the hard way that the wishful thinking method of roster construction could lead them to their third losing season in four years.  The entirely unexpected 2013 championship run was a lightning-in-a-bottle scenario and the Red Sox front office deluded themselves into thinking that they can get away with filling a roster with second or third-tier players for shorter contracts and be competitive every year.

     For 2014, after letting Ellsbury walk to their archrivals, they assumed that Jackie Bradley, Jr. would seamlessly assume center field.  Plan B: Reclamation project Grady Sizemore.   They also brought in AJ Pierzynski, who was poor defensively and never lived up to his offensive hype, not to mention the reputation for being a poor clubhouse presence.   The result: Last place in the AL East and a 71-91 record.  

     This off-season, they signed two big offensive targets Pablo Sandoval and Hanley Ramirez, but they failed to improve their starting rotation after trading Jon Lester and John Lackey at the deadline last year.   Instead, they traded for Rick Porcello (a #3 who could be a #2 with a proper ace leading the staff) and Wade Miley (#3 or #4 at best), and signed reclamation project and former Red Sox Justin Masterson.  Remaining from the 2014 rotation were Joe Kelly and the maddeningly inconsistent Clay Buchholz.  Result so far:  Second worst ERA in the majors and last place in the AL East with a 14-17 record.  

      Not only is the pitching the problem so far this season, but the offense that was assumed would offset the runs allowed by the rotation has gone AWOL with runners in scoring position, just like it did last year.   David Ortiz is showing signs of age-related decline and Mike Napoli, who raked in spring training, has been toting a brutal sub-Mendoza average.   Promising youngster Mookie Betts has not quite lived up to his potential with the bat and reserve outfielders Nava and Craig have been non-factors at the plate.  Both of the presumed catchers for 2015 are lost for the season, forcing Blake Swihart to come up before he is ready. 

        Would another losing season and more empty seats at Fenway shake the Red Sox brass out of their delusions that they can get by with chasing mediocrity as long as they don't get saddled with long, expensive market-value contracts for aging players?   Or will they start drafting more high-ceiling pitchers so they can "grow their own ace"?   If they do finish under .500 again this year, a major overhaul is needed in the front office to get them back to winning consistently like they did in the mid-late 2000s.   They are a large market team with a payroll around $200 million who has no business being cellar-dwellers more often than not.  

         It is still early in the season, but there is no shortage of holes in this team that may not be able to be fixed from within the farm system or in trades.   Whether or not a new pitching coach will be able to turn things around with the rotation remains to be seen.   The RISP problem still remains, even with a new hitting coach this year and needs to be addressed.   It's going to be a long, uphill battle to contention for the 2015 Red Sox and possibly for future teams too if the front office remains set in their ways.  
 
    

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

If You Wanna Win This Ballgame...

      This song is sung to the tune of "If You're Happy And You Know It"

      If you wanna win this ballgame, score ten runs!
      If you wanna win this ballgame, score ten runs!
      'Cuz the pitching is so crappy, Red Sox Nation isn't happy
      'Cuz the only way to win is score ten runs! 

       The starting pitchers aren't up to snuff.
       The starting pitchers aren't up to snuff.
       They can't get through the sixth inning and the bullpen they are thinning
       'Cuz the starting pitchers aren't up to snuff.  

        Their winning record won't last very long
        Their winning record won't last very long.
        Their pitching will catch up to them and losses will start rolling in
        If they don't hurry up and fix what's wrong.